Des Moines Man Wins White Trash Blue Ribbon At Iowa State Fair

Des Moines [CBB] –Iowa State Fair officials used the last day of the ’08 event as a stage to award one of the most sought after blue ribbons.  Jeff Rankin, 38 and part time worker at Goodwill [pictured leaving the fair], took home the Blue Ribbon for White Trash with a perfectly styled mullet and beat up ‘Who Farted?’ shirt.  Rankin’s win marks the first time since 1983 that a non-carnie has taken home the top White Trash prize as the Midway workers were excluded from competing this year by the Iowa State Fair rules governing body.

“Well, fucking shit, you don’t say? Wait until the old lady hears about this,’ Rankin, said while taking a drag on his cigarette during the awards ceremony  “hot damn, do I get any free shit?”

Aside from being the ’08 fair’s top dirt bag, Rankin was given a velvet painting of Dale Earnhardt and a behind stage pass to meet 80’s glam band, Bulletboys, before their 3PM free performance.   Marq Torien, Bulletboys lead singer, said was nice to have Rankin sit with the band at the picnics tables behind the stage because it ‘reminded them of two weeks in 1987 when they were popular.’

Rankin’s win was not without controversy, as earlier in the competition Roy Pepper of Dension was disqualified when it was revealed his mullet was a hair extension covering a rat tail and Doug Moyer of Red Oak was ruled ineligible when an investigation into his heritage revealed he wasn’t true pure white trash as he was found to be of partial Puerto Rican ancestry.

In breaking from tradition, Rankin was presented with his blue ribbon by this year’s winner of the biggest female gut by a hoochie momma, Crystal Logan.  Generally last year’s white trash award winner presents the ribbon to the newest loser, but the ’07 champion Derek Turner is serving 15 years in the state pen for a ‘trumped up’ meth charge and runner up Greg Beemer couldn’t get out of working his double shift at McDonald’s in order to make the ceremonies.

Rankin made only a single statement upon accepting his award: ‘do I get to bang the presenter chick?’

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6 Responses to Des Moines Man Wins White Trash Blue Ribbon At Iowa State Fair

  1. BGunzy says:

    That’s my neighbor!

  2. I’m pretty sure I took a picture of that dudes brother at the State Fair. I was up on the sky lift thingy and there was this long haired dude with no shirt and a chain coming out of his pants talking on a cell phone… like he could actually qualify for a cell phone… haha

    His hair was darker, but yeah, they looked exactly the same. I nabbed a sweet picture.

  3. Doug says:

    ::slam::

    “I’M YOUR SISTER!”

    ::slam::

    “I’M YOUR SISTER!”

    ::slam::

    “I’M YOUR SISTER!”

  4. Doug says:

    “That’s right, I said Hemi…”

  5. I knew a piece of white trash who named one of his sons ‘Corvette’ and the other ‘Hemi’. Dude had 6 kids with 4 different women. Ah, the joys of the living 3 years of my life in Boone, Iowa. Booners…

  6. BGunzy says:

    Boone Co Iowa is much more redneck than us southerners. At least we keep the tires on our junked cars parked in the driveway.

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